God-fearing Christians caused Joie nothing but pain and suffering her whole life. The assholes did not deserve their God’s forgiveness.

The God-Fearing Christians

The night was sweltering, no breeze with no hope of rain. The revival tent was musty. The sweat from 200 worshipers, swaying to-and-fro to the music, was suffocating. Especially for Joie who had to stand on a rickety folding chair to see anything.

truth and consequences image 01On the stage, a choir was singing “Amazing Grace” accompanied by an organist who looked to be 120 years old. Sitting in a chair that looked like a throne was the Preacher. His eyes were closed with a solemn look on his sweaty face.

The Preacher was about six foot three. His athletic body was long out of shape. His thinning hair was dark and slicked back. His tailored suit was sweat-soaked and must have fit him like a glove ten years earlier.

The song ended, and the crowd praised “Amen.” The swaying stopped, and their hands lowered. There was a sticky quiet in the tent.

After what seemed like five minutes, the Preacher opened his eyes. He sprang from his throne in one motion shouting “Praise God!”

Joie jumped at the suddenness. Her mother, immersed in rapture, gleamed at her and said, “Joie d’Sprit, you listen, and you listen good.”

Joie was twelve, her body blossoming. Still gleaming, her Mom said “Joie d’Sprit, you’re becoming the devil’s own temptation. Girl, you need to fortify your spirit with a good dose of the Gospel.”

Repressing Memories Takes Its Toll: Brought to Joie by God-Fearing Christians

Joie woke from the dream recalling every detail of the “revival summer.” Her summer of hell on earth. Her Mom made her attend three different revivals that summer. Each revival had a different flavor of hellfire and brimstone.

Her Mom’s intentions were pure, but her tactics flawed. During her summer of redemption, men groped, molested, or assaulted Joie at least a dozen times. Men of all ages felt it was their right to touch her. Two even asked her to meet them in the parking lot for some “bible study.”

truth or consequences image 2The first night, Joie was violated by two different men, one very old and one not too old. They touched her under her skirt. She told her Mom what the bad men did. Her Mom blamed her for having evil in her heart and not embracing the Holy Spirit. Embracing the Holy Spirit would shield her sinful body that tempted good men to do bad things.

Joie felt depressed by the memories. She went about her day, but her morning meditation was crappy. Her memories of “God Fearing Christians” molesting her were still at the top of her mind.

Joie Purges Her Soul From Damage Caused By God-Fearing Christians

Joie’s journal entry was six salty and bitter pages. An outpouring of unhealed feelings and betrayals filled the pages. She relived childhood experiences and the decisions she made because of them. In large bold lettering she printed:

“That summer I lost all faith.

“That summer I stopped trusting my Mother.

“That summer my emotional isolation became complete.

“That summer I decided all men were assholes.

“That summer I became a woman.”

Joie sat with a cup of coffee wondering why these memories came to her now. She hadn’t thought about that summer in years. Was her intimacy with Samuel triggering something? That didn’t feel right.

Was it because Samuel still hadn’t shared his dream with her? Joie asked him about it, but Samuel replied, “Not yet, I haven’t figured it out yet.”

She had to wait. Joie decided worrying wouldn’t help, so let it go. She was more bothered by Samuel’s meditation progress. He was progressing so much faster than her. She would ask about that in tonight’s class.

Murphy Was An Optimist: Truth and Consequences

After a trying day, a day that proved Murphy was an optimist, Joie made it to class with one minute to spare.

Again, her meditation was lousy. Joie wondered how Samuel was able to clear his mind so quickly after such a short time meditating. On the way to class, she greeted and hugged Jenn, then Gene.

truth and onsequeces image 3Mick announced that tonight there would be one exercise, verifiable mediumship. Before starting, he asked if anyone had something to share.

The usual suspects spoke up. They shared never-ending stories about the mundane happenings of their lives. A few people asked technical questions mostly revealing they weren’t practicing.

Joie didn’t want to waste more time, so she decided to ask her question the following week. Looking into Joie’s eyes, Mick said: “Time for one more person before we get to work.” Joie got a distinct feeling that now was the time to ask.

“If we have time…” Joie said.

“Of course,” Mick replied.

“Why do some people progress so much faster than others?” Joie questioned.

Practice + These Two Things Affect Your Spiritual Progress

Mick paused for a long minute before answering. “Besides doing the work or not, two things affect one’s speed of progression.

“A reminder that if you don’t practice, your progress will be slow, agonizing and prone to delusions,” Mick said.

“If you are practicing, unprocessed trauma is the first reason for slow progress.” Mick continued.

“As we’ve discussed before, your thoughts are things. Our mind stores memories in the form of vibrations. Traumatic vibrations can manifest in our bodies as containers or compartments. Think Pandora’s Box. Often these vibrations accumulate in layered memories. Think layers of an onion. Removing a layer often reveals another layer. You will process the next layer when you’re ready, in time and on time.” Mick paused.

When he spoke again, his demeanor was less intense. Softly, Mick continued. “Healing and meditation are lethal to repressed memories and stored traumas. Our past traumas can disappear in the light of self-awareness and self-love. Our past beliefs define who we are. They create our identities, our ego. These dark parts of who we are, resist the light of awareness. Our spiritual journey can feel like a roller coaster. Many ups and downs, sharp turns and sometimes even a loop-de-loop or two. Discipline is the key to our progress. Discipline and accepting your true level of development without delusion.”

Old Souls Progress Faster Despite The Harm Caused By God-Fearing Christians

Mick paused then said, “The second thing affecting our progression is prior learning. If this is the first incarnation you’re developing spiritual awareness, progress is slower. Each additional life you choose to develop your awareness, progress is faster. I like to think of this as the older the spirit, the quicker the progress.”

Jenn asked. “Is that what old soul means?”

stillness meditation is the key to harmonyMick smiled saying, “Yes and no. Yes, if their Spirit-Self has had at least 30 past lives as a human, their spiritual progression may be faster. And no. Some ‘old souls’ had to grow up quickly. They had to put down childish things very early to survive.

“You have to touch each person’s vibration to see which one they are.”

Seeing that Joie understood, Mick scanned the room. Once he got a feel for where everyone was, he continued. “To wrap this up, let me tell you about two students who have classes with me. I’ll call them Tom and Jerry.” Mick smiled.

“Tom and Jerry met in class and became instant friends. Their friendship was a case of opposites attracting. Not opposites in vibration, but opposites in life stories. Tom grew up on the west coast, Jerry on the east. Tom’s parents were hippies but not radically so. Jerry’s were fundamentalist Christians. Tom learned that being kind and generous was being Godlike. Jerry learned anything fun was bad and punishable with the rod.”

No One Ever Promised Life Would Be Fair

Mick paused to collect his thoughts, then continued. “Both Tom and Jerry did the work. They practiced, beginning with the first class.

“Tom was first to move the pinwheel. He was first to start healing. And he was first to know his spirit teachers.

“Jerry struggled, progressing at a glacial pace. In every class, fear of making a mistake was his constant companion. The instructors told Jerry he was making progress. But until he got past his fear, displaying his psychic abilities wouldn’t happen.

“After about a year in classes, Tom was ready to advance into the teacher training program. Jerry was losing hope. Jerry told Tom he would try for one more term, but if nothing changed, he was quitting. Tom agreed. He knew Jerry was very sensitive and would become an excellent healer and medium. Tom knew the world needed people like Jerry engaged in helping others.

“Tom asked Jerry for a favor, requesting he participate in every class. No matter how he felt, he asked Jerry always to answer. Jerry agreed.

“When it was time for students to display their abilities in class, Jerry felt like he had to puke. To end his misery, he started going first in each exercise. His fear subsided slowly. The words, images, and feelings Jerry perceived and shared were accurate.

Jerry Had What It Took To Be A Spiritual Leader

“Jerry’s intuition and Spirit Communication became more accurate. Jerry’s empathy and compassion showed in his work. He was helping people. His confidence grew. At the end of that term, both Tom and Jerry entered the teacher training program. They advanced together.”

Mick finished by saying, “Both Tom and Jerry are old souls. Each had many previous incarnations devoted to developing their spiritual awareness. To learn this life’s lessons, Tom chose parents who provided a safer place to be himself – curious and open. Jerry picked parents who demanded compliance.

“Each listened to the ‘knowing’ within their being. A knowing that compelled Tom and Jerry to explore their spirituality. Each is learning the lessons they incarnated to learn. Both are now Spiritual Leaders. Each helps our world evolve into a safe place. A world that’s safe for all people to be themselves.”

Mick felt that the energy in the room was peaceful. “Now, let’s do some work,” he said, flashing a mischievous smile.

Driving home, Joie realized Samuel grew up with few barriers to his happiness. He had few threats to his security and safety. The old Joie would say he was a privileged bastard born with a silver spoon in his mouth. She smiled knowing she had alternate choices to that way of thinking.

Samuel You’re An Asshole

Samuel’s car was in the garage, but the lights were out in the house. Joie parked and went inside. The garage door opened into the kitchen which made managing groceries easy.

There was a note on the fridge. “Crashed early. Tomorrow, let’s do dinner at home. I’ve got everything figured out, and we have lots to discuss. It’s all good. Love, S.”

Joie thought “You asshole! You love making me suffer.”

Joie was wide awake, energized by her class.

Sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of chamomile tea, Joie opened her journal. She began debriefing from her class. She was processing Mick’s explanations and stories about spiritual progress. Her Mom had praised her as an old soul. She’d hear her Mom bragging to everyone she met, “Joie d’Sprit, that girl’s an old soul.”

Joie never heard her Mom refer to her as an old soul after the summer of revivals. Her Mom’s love changed. She became a Mama Jay kicking her brood from the nest. Instead of a beak, her Mom used God’s condemnation of Joie’s soul. The more Joie grew up, the more ashamed and dirty she felt.

Never Loved By God Because of God-Fearing Christians

truth and consequences 06Joie never felt loved by God. Like everything else in her childhood, God’s promises were lies. The people who espoused God’s promises the loudest were the ones who hurt her the most.

Joie was finishing her journal entry when Al, her spirit guide, stepped close to her. She felt the familiar warm tingle of his vibration. Joie closed her eyes, quieting her mind. She mentally leaned into Al’s vibration saying “Hello.”

Al responded in kind. Joie asked, “Why are you here?” Al smiled, a tear in his eye. Joie felt a warm, cozy feeling come over her like a being under a goose down comforter.

Remaining quiet and receptive, Joie recognized a familiar voice.

“How do, Joie d’Sprit?” It was her Mamma.


What does Joie’s Mom have to say? What was Samuel’s damn dream and what the hell does he want to discuss now? Joie finds out next week.

More Memoirs of a Seeker

About TS Hall

TS Hall is the Stoic Medium, a Spiritualist Minister who is also know as Rev Terry Hall.

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