Joie: Sleeping with the Frenemy

Frenemy: A lifelong friend is now an enemy.

Joie wandered away from Jenn feeling alone, isolated. Every person she saw seemed to trigger a nasty judgment or snarky comment in her head. She was seeking refuge, a safe place to sit, quiet her mind, and calm her emotions. As she walked, Joie heard other voices in her head. Yes, there they were again. She heard three distinct voices running through her mind.

The Birth of a Frenemy

Joie’s day started three hours before she was to meet Jenn at the coffee house. They were going to drive to some bookstore’s Psychic Faire together. When she awoke, Joie was clueless about her impending crisis of conscience.

Joie’s day started with her spiritual practices. Her ritual included: A meditation. A self-healing. Asking a spirit guide to reveal something verifiable about her day. She finishes with journaling and setting a daily intention. Today’s intention was “being open.”

My Frenemy’s Frenemy

Al, Joie’s companion guide, had shown her the image of a road sign at the dead end of a “T” intersection. The road sign had two arrows pointing in opposite directions. Joie recorded Al’s message in her journal. She also noted a strong feeling that turning left would seem safer than turning right. There was also a subtler feeling directing Joie to turn right and take the road less traveled. She wrote this in her journal too.

Joie was ready to leave early. She’d gotten up with Samuel who was off to play golf and had a 7:22 tee-time.

Joie decided she had plenty of time to take the scenic route and arrive at the coffee shop on time to meet Jenn. Joie liked her friend from their spiritual development classes. Jenn was smart and a straight shooter but sensitive.

Ignorance is Bliss

Joie’s Sunday drive was a perfect “Cloud 9” experience. She was driving the speed limit, no music playing, enjoying the day. She felt aware, present, and alive.

Joie saw a blue Prius with a window sticker that read, “Boys 3 Girls 1.” Her mind recalled the three questions that started her spiritual journey. The questions that were changing her life. Not so much the questions, but rather the answers she struggled to find were changing her life. Joie hated not knowing the answer and these answers alluded her, nowhere to be found.

Is This the Frenemy?

“Damn it,” Joie exclaimed, berating herself. “Six minutes late!” It didn’t seem to matter that her phone showed she had arrived at the coffeehouse four minutes before agreeing to meet Jenn.

Jenn arrived and waved. Joie smiled at seeing her friend and that she was right on time.

They doctored their coffees and were off to the Psychic Faire in Jenn’s car. “Always in Jenn’s car,” Joie muttered to herself. Tasting her skinny vanilla latte, Joie flashed a satisfied grin, thinking. “Perfect coffee.”

Others See What We Won’t

They chit-chatted and got caught up. Joie started ribbing Jenn. “I thought you’d stand me up today to go with your new boyfriend to his church this morning.” Jenn ignored Joie’s comment.

Joie was on a roll. She couldn’t stop making fun of the Christian guy from the other night. Joie didn’t notice Jenn’s perturbed silence.

They arrived and found the bookstore parking lot full. Jenn made a quick U-turn to get a space next to the front door. Joie complimented Jenn on her luck. Jenn replied curtly, “I had a feeling.”

Paying the $10 entrance fee, they waited in the lobby for the Faire to begin. Joie read the event flyer aloud:

A Slightly Different Point of View

“The Grumpy Ghost welcomes you to our Psychic Faire. Enjoy connecting with our staff of spiritual practitioners.

Our readers and healers are are some of the finest Spiritual Practitioners and Experts in the world today. You’re welcome to visit our Palm & Intuitive Readings, Tarot Card Readers, Psychic & Mediumship Readers. And so much more.

Step with us onto the spiritual plane to explore your past, present, and future.

We also offer Acupuncture. Ancestral Healing. Past Life Regression. Blockage Removal. Balancing Chakras. Energy Healing. Energy/Spirit Work. Polarity Therapy. Reiki. Sensory Repatterning. Vortex & Crystal Healing.

Our mission is to help you create the life of your dreams.

It’s no coincidence your journey has brought you to the Grumpy Ghost’s 9th Dimensional Spiritual Plane. Let’s make some dreams happen.”

The Frenemy or a Preference?

The event scheduled today on the 9th Dimensional Spiritual Plane, Joie noted, was 12 minutes late opening. The green curtains finally parted. Everyone stepped onto the Grumpy Ghost’s “spiritual plane.”

The scene reminded Joie of a poorly written Southern Gothic Novel. The array of odd and eccentric characters was overwhelming. Joie felt both at home and out-of-place at the same time.

Jenn leaned close to Joie’s ear saying, “This doesn’t look anything like our classes,” a tone of excitement in her voice. The plan was to survey the landscape, then pick one or two services and compare notes back at the coffee shop.

A Southern Gothic Novel

To Joie, the crowd and the practitioners were eccentric and odd. They looked like actors cast in a “B” movie and procured from central casting be paid scale wages. The setting felt like a carnival midway in a small southern town. The characters wore unintentional Halloween costumes, heavy makeup, and perfume; lots of perfume. The only thing missing was a Carnival Barker.

Joie and Jenn reconnected after about 10 minutes to compare notes.

The Frenemy Can’t Be Ignored

Joie started sharing her snarky observations when Jenn exploded. “You’re mean and disrespectful. You’re such a judgmental bitch; nasty about the Christian guy! Now you’re even nastier talking about these people. Your dark, nasty side is ugly! Where’s the part of you who healed others last week in class? Where is she? Didn’t anyone ever tell you that if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything?” After a few seconds, Jenn added, “AT ALL!” When Jenn stopped, she was breathless. People were gawking at them, whispering.

Horrified, Joie started planning her defense but stopped. She noticed that the feelings in the pit of her stomach were back. Joie was blushing and feeling embarrassed. She worried that Jenn’s reproach was the end of their friendship. Jenn turned away from Joie and joined the line for a Chakra clearing, whatever that was.

Say Hello to My Little Friend

Deep in thought, Joie played the words “dark and nasty” over and over in her mind. Was this true? Was she dark and nasty? Her wit had always been her friend, an ally in keeping her safe. Sarcastic, yes, but dark?

Taking a deep breath, Joie quieted her mind then released her breath. Calmer, Joie looked within not liking what she saw. Old habits die hard. Joie’s constant companion since early hood was now an enemy against who she wanted, no aspired to become. A “frenemy” was born.

Joie was most surprised that she hadn’t noticed her old behaviors resurfacing. Her feelings of freedom had distracted her from seeing the critical voices in her head.

Friends Don’t Let Friends Be Jerks

Joie glanced at Jenn, then turned and tried to lose herself in the crowd. Her mind raced a mile a minute. She felt helpless. Her mind’s nastiness was open full throttle. She was judging, snarking, and criticizing everyone in the place. Anxiety started welling up from the pit of her stomach, and she saw the darkness.

Joie wandered away from Jenn feeling alone, isolated. Every person she saw seemed to trigger a nasty judgment or snarky comment in her head. She was seeking refuge, a safe place to sit and quite her mind and calm her emotions. As she walked, Joie heard other voices in her head. Yes, there they were again. She heard three distinct voices running through her mind.

Joie’s Gang

There was a nasty, judgmental, critic, “the frenemy.”

There was a witness of sorts, seeing everything as it happens. The witness also provided play-by-play commentary. She decided to call it “the observer.”

Finally, there was a softer, quieter voice. This voice spoke with love, acceptance, and compassion. She called it “her knowing.”

To Thine Own Self Be True

Joie found a space on the floor with room enough to sit down. Watching the crowd pass Joie quieted her mind trying to not look like a total idiot. The frenemy chimed in, “Who would notice one more idiot in this crowd of carnival freaks?”

The observer approved, “Nice one.”

Ignoring the cast of characters occupying her head. Joie focused on her breathing as she counted 20 in and out breaths. She repeated this two more sets, holding the final breath for several counts.

Into Her Own Closet and Be Unto Herself

When she exhaled, Joie focused her attention on following her breath down. In her mind, she visualized a leaf floating to the ground on a windless day. Her mind quiet, Joie saw the crowd milling around but only heard the whispers in her head.

Joie continued stilling her mind until her emotions became calm. She could hear each voice in her head. The two louder voices continued their snarking and play-by-play commentary. The voices sounded distant like they were in the next room with the door closed. Ignoring them, she became more quiet, detached, calm.

Knowing Thyself

Joie could hear a pin drop in her head. Whenever a voice in her head spoke, she spotted its unique persona, its personality. Joie recognized each as a part of herself. Only the softer, quiet voice, “her knowing,” seemed to be the essence of her Spirit.

Jenn walked by twice. Joie wasn’t ready to leave this quiet place to face her friend. Joie smiled, she’d stepped onto the spiritual plane. She was beginning to see those things that are spiritual.

“The frenemy” started insisting Jenn would leave without Joie. She was entertaining this idea when “her knowing” said, “Jenn would never leave without you.”

A Trusted Friend

Her knowing felt “right,” unfamiliar but right, a trusted friend. Joie was enjoying her new friend when she felt Jenn touching her vibration. Joie looked up, right into Jenn’s eyes and managed a smile. Jenn was about 10 feet away, a sad smile on her face.

Jenn asked Joie if she was ok. “It’s too early to tell,” Jenn murmured. “Take your time. Find me when you’re ready to leave.” Jenn’s response was compassionate. She left, disappearing into the crowd.

Lest We Forget

Joie sat for about 15 minutes. Then she grabbed her journal and jotted the highlights of her observations.
Joie titled this entry “The Frenemy.” Her journal entry focused on responsibility. After her awakening, Joie started backsliding. As a young child, Joie began developing habits to help her survive and protect herself.
Surviving in the South meant smiling to their face, then cutting them to shreds behind their backs. It’s no wonder Joie trusted no one. How could she?

Joie was discovering how to live with her new psychic sensitivities and awareness. She likened it to riding a roller coaster, but not in a fun way. The road sign from Al’s message made sense now. Joie’s earlier premonition about attending the Faire now made sense as well.

Awareness In Action

Feeling energized yet calm, Joie put her journal away, got up and started looking for Jenn. “The frenemy” was still having a ball, commenting on all the characters she passed. “The observer” was no longer commenting on “the frenemy’s” comments. Instead, “the observer” paid attention to “her knowing.” Joie’s “knowing” pointed out at least one beautiful about each of these same characters. The observer’s play-by-play was loving, not critical. Joie was amazed the beauty wasn’t a physical attribute, but an inner quality.

Old Friends Are Hard To Retrain

Joie passed a mom with her two daughters. “The frenemy” spoke up saying, to Joie, “You will never be a mother because you’re too selfish and greedy.” The comment stabbed Joie in the heart. She didn’t want kids, but some part of her thought bearing children was her duty. “Her knowing,” said, the choice is yours. “The observer” reminding Joie, “You ain’t gotta do nothing!” Joie found comfort in the memory of that lesson that the choice was hers.

A Friendship’s Next Chapter… Maybe

Joie found Jenn and apologized. Joie then thanked Jenn for the gift of honesty. Jenn smiled.
The drive back to Joie’s car was in silence. Joie’s wasn’t ready to talk. Jenn too seemed to prefer the silence.

Joie was backing out of her parking space when she got a text from Samuel. “I’ll be home in about an hour. We need to talk” with a kissy face emoji. Joie put the car into drive, tears streaming down her face.

Next week, Joie and Samuel have the “talk” which triggers Joie to find answers to the three questions.

More Memoirs of a Seeker