Do not underestimate your ability to punish yourself. Mostly in quite subtle ways. These thoughts too are things that take the fun out of life. Master control of your mind and squash these unwanted guests.
A message from my Spirit Guide, Clarissa.
OpEd: When the student is ready the teacher will appear, or so they say. In my experience, the teacher has always been there, and eventually wake up enough to recognize them. Today, Clarissa shared a message that had me see something that has been there all along.
A meditation practice peels away layers of our personality, identity, ego, or id. This process is like peeling away layers of an onion. Each layer we peel back gets us closer to our center or nothingness. For me, my most basic thoughts are fear of success. Being out there, exposed and vulnerable to the criticism and judgments of others. It’s a fundamental fear that has me sabotage my success or my physical well-being.
My particular sabotage is overeating. I engage in mindful mindless overeating. I get so busy mindfully bringing about what I love, I mindlessly eat everything in sight. The mechanism allows me to pursue what it is I want to do and bring about my desired results very quickly. The sabotage is how I ignore my well-being by overeating, too little sleep and no exercise. I convince myself that I don’t have time to take care of myself because I have to get what it is I love done, now.
Eventually, I have a physical breakdown that stops all progress. Once I lose momentum, I have a difficult time getting engaged in the project again. This pattern is quite familiar having first appeared in Third or Fourth grade. It shows up every time I get on a roll toward something I want to have or bring about. I unconsciously sabotage my success by creating a physical breakdown brought about by my overeating.
Now the work begins. I retrain my mindful mindless actions by creating affirmations, keeping a daily journal and creating a plan that includes a balance between work and well-being. More importantly, now that I have seen this blindspot, I can shine the spotlight of intention on it to bring about the changes I choose.
All the while knowing how simple this formula is and knowing it will not at all be easy.